your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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