Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
