woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
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He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
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i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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