i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
