the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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