This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
