You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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