I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
