To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
