Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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