i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
