I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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