i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
