you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
