Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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