Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
