He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
