Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
