matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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