Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
