are you still at the devil's house?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
