I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
