Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
