This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
