he wants to bone in the snuggie
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
