Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
