I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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