"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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