remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
