I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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