I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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