it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
