apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
