This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
