"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
