these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
