so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If I die, sorry about rent.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
