Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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