I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
