I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
