i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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