Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
