I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
