Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
