I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
