We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
