You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
