So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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