Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
