Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
a search helicopter?!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
