i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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