Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Porn is love you can see.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
