Sry I called you an 8
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
