Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
