I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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