it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
