I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
