come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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