Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I wish i was in the wii world.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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