Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
