i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
