I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
