Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Let's get the cat blown out
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize