I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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