I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
