The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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