we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Randomize
