I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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