I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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