We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
