My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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