The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
