Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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